


Something will always be missing

by Kat_createsart



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, Memories, Memory Alteration, My First Fanfic, Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Sad, Tags Are Hard, klance, lance can't move on, post-s4e06
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27236128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_createsart/pseuds/Kat_createsart
Summary: What if Lotor had gotten to the battle of Nacxella a few minutes later?The team suffers a great loss and must deal with all of the pain while handling the new situation the coalition finds themselves in with the galran prince. A lot of feelings surface, for some more than others, and the only way to get through it is to support each other. But some things are easier said than done for a certain paladin.Post season 4 episode 6
Relationships: Coran & Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance & Shiro (Voltron), Lance & Voltron: Legendary Defender Team
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome to my very first fic, ever! i hope you like it, please leave kudos and a comment if you have any questions or suggestions. This is a very angsty fic but there will be a happy ending... I think :)
> 
> This is just the prologue, TW: character death but nothing explicit

They were all shocked to find out Lotor was responsible for stopping ten systems from being wiped out of existence and didn’t know what would have happened without him there to save the day. That is until they got the news. A galra fighter was about to ram the barrier when Lotor’s laser blast caused the cruiser to explode and the shield to disintegrate. The pilot wasn’t able to pull up fast enough, and it damaged the ship.

The reality of the war never felt so close to Voltron like it did the moment Matt came running with tears in his eyes to the Castle of lions, holding the lifeless body of the former red paladin. He laid him down on the hangar’s icy floor and Shiro was by his side in a matter of seconds, starting to remove his armour to check his breathing and heartbeat. Hunk and Pidge hugged each other while crying, Coran tried to comfort Allura with tears rolling down their faces. Lance felt like his feet were glued to the ground, no matter what he told himself he just couldn’t seem to move.

All he could do was watch Shiro perform CPR, but judging by everyone’s expressions it wasn’t working, he wasn’t breathing. _Keith wasn’t breathing._ The only sound in the hangar was Shiro’s screaming accompanied by a few occasional loud sobs by the rest of the team. He kept yelling “don’t do this to me” repeatedly, hoping that at some point Keith would wake up and brush this thing off as a simple accident, which it clearly, wasn’t. But that never happened. Eventually, Coran had to pry Shiro’s hands from Keith’s shirt and have Allura, Hunk and Pidge take him away while he and Matt carried the body to the med bay.

Even after everyone had left, Lance remained frozen in place, just staring at the spot on the floor that still had some blood on it. None of it seemed possible. He stared and stared and stared until at some point he could no longer breathe, his legs gave out and he fell to the floor sobbing. He felt so lonely suddenly, until a pair of arms wrapped around his chest from behind, a small part of his brain hoped it was Keith, who had finally woken up and had come to tease him for getting so worked up about this. But he knew better than to think that was true.

He soon felt more hands touching him and he realised the entire team had been close by the whole time he thought he was completely by himself. They stayed there for a while without saying a single word, letting the knowledge that they weren’t alone comfort them.


	2. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual beginning of the story and the first stage of grief Lance goes through.  
> 

Some days past, or maybe a week or two. Lance was losing track of time. Everyone was so busy dealing with Lotor and checking out all the intel that he was giving them. So many innocent people to free, it required a lot of planning and with the galra prince’s help, they were able to easily infiltrate the locations. There wasn’t time to take in all that had happened, so Lance simply didn’t. He shoved all his emotions as deep as possible and focused solely on the battle. When they weren’t busy attacking the enemy or doing some of Allura’s paladin exercises, Lance would go to the training deck and dismantle bots until his limbs felt numb.

In the evening, based on the castle’s cycle, the team would usually gather in the common room to talk and console each other. It was hard for everyone, especially at night when the castle felt the coldest. It was all too much for Lance, so he opted for the observatory instead. He’d just sit cross-legged on the frigid floor staring out of the wide windows that consisted of almost the entire wall. The view left him breathless every time: the number of stars and planets that exist beyond the solar system.

And yet in all this vastness, something will always be missing. Lance shook his head, trying to get rid of the thought that sometimes popped up. His hands started shaking so he took out the cover he’d left there a few days prior from one of the cabinets, filled with weird objects, what looked like astrology books and star maps. Sometimes he passed out in front of that view from how exhausted he was. Other times he made it all the way back to his room before collapsing. He never stayed asleep for long and never got any real rest, that meant he didn’t dream much either, but when he did it was usually about his family or the team.

All they would do was look at him, _stare_. Some nights they had looks of disappointment, like the one his mamà gave him when he didn’t do as she’d asked. He still remembers the concerned look Pidge gave him once, he wanted to tell her everything was okay, but he couldn’t move or speak. The faces filled with pain were the worst. It was hard to see the burden all the people he cared about carried taking away the happiness that their eyes should hold.

He woke up with a hollow feeling in his chest, just like the day before, and the one before that. It was a constant kind of pain he was getting accustomed to. It was early so he went to have a shower and brush his teeth but ended up being late for breakfast as he got lost in his thoughts under the running hot water. He didn’t even remember what he was thinking about, only that he stared at the wall for way longer than it seemed. He got dressed and put his paladin armour as fast as possible before rushing to the kitchen, now empty. After getting something to eat he headed to the bridge where the rest of the team was discussing battle tactics.

“good morning Lance, you are late. Fortunately, the meeting hasn’t started yet”. Allura said to him as soon as she saw him enter the room.

“meeting?” Allura let out a long sigh while the rest of the team remained silent.

“yes Lance _,_ the meeting with the Voltron Coalition. We must decide what the best way to handle our situation is and plan our next moves”.

“right, _that_ meeting” Lance gave her a teasing smile and Allura shrugged returning to the screen she was tampering with before being interrupted.

Soon enough the room was filled by holographic images of all the leaders who’d joined the coalition so far. After a few greetings, Allura cut right to the chase bringing up Lotor and his intel. They had been able to make a big difference thanks to it, but the empire would surely catch on fast and realize that Voltron was using inside information to strike their bases.

“We must do as much damage as possible before they change all the passcodes and reorganize the troops.”- Pidge cut in – “I think we can hit another three targets before that happens”.

“Voltron can probably take care of two of them” Allura suggested.

“I’m sure that Kolivan and Keith can handle the last target” Lance blurted it out before he could register what he was saying. The entire room fell silent, the team’s eyes filled with shock but soon their expressions turned to concern. The atmosphere had changed abruptly, and the princess was quick to do damage control.

“what the red paladin meant to say was that surely the Blade of Marmora can handle this mission without difficulty, despite the great loss we have suffered recently”. That said, Lance ran out of the room, ignoring whatever Shiro was about to say to him. He went to the only place that could distract him from everything he was feeling. The training deck. He spent the next few hours battling level after level until he felt both physically and mentally drained.

On his way to his quarters, he made the mistake of passing by the common living area, where the rest of the team was sitting. For a moment it wouldn’t have been possible to tell which one of them had actually been training all day.

“Lance!” - he turned around to see Shiro standing up and walking towards him - “we need to talk”.

“Now is not a good time, I was just about to go have a shower, I’ve been training for hours”.

“Lance, please, this is important” Shiro looked him straight in the eyes with a very serious expression. It was obvious what he wanted to tell him, but Lance was spent, this conversation had to wait.

“Shiro I’m really not in the mood right now, can’t we do this tomorrow?” he turned around and started walking towards his quarters when a hand grabbed his wrist and forced him to look back.

“Would you stop that?!” everyone looked up suddenly, not expecting Shiro to snap.

“Stop _what_?”

“Stop acting like everything is fine! You are obviously not okay; the whole team is suffering, and you keep pushing everyone away!” Lance pulled his wrist out of the tight grip of Shiro’s hand.

“I’m fine” he gave him a daring look, not willing to give in and have this conversation.

“Seriously? You’re still going to insist you’re alright after what happened today?” Shiro’s eyes lit up like fire, he looked like a volcano ready to erupt with just the slightest tremor. One wrong move and then _everyone_ would get hurt. Lance knew the smart thing to do would have been to shut up, but for some reason that day his mouth just couldn’t seem to help itself. Before he could think twice about it, he stared right back at Shiro and shrugged " _I'm fine,_ Shiro _"._ That was all it took.

“This is not a game Lance, this is real life and it’s about time you faced the facts," every word was spoken with anger but mostly, with pain. No one dared speak at all, the room was completely silent. “Keith is dead, and you need to accept it!” Lance closed his eyes shut hearing those words.

“You think I don’t know that?!" - the whole room flinched - “I miss him too you know”

“Well, it sure doesn’t seem like it” Shiro had visibly calmed down at this point and was starting to realize how distressed Lance was. He wasn't letting himself feel at all, something he didn’t even think a person like him could do. He was always so emotional, so joyful and bright. He brought a rush of energy and excitement to the team, cracked a joke when the tension was getting too high and it became too much to bear. But this was about family, something Lance treasured more than anyone.

“Look, I know that repressing your emotions seems easier now, but the truth is, the more you hold things in the harder it’ll be to deal with them eventually. It’s also better to do this with the help of your friends, of your family. You are not alone, and you never will be” Lance walked away without saying a word. Shiro was hoping in a bit more of a reaction out of him but perhaps this would be enough for him to start moving on. But for now, the kid needed sleep and a chance of processing the crazy day that had been.

Lance bumped into Coran in the corridor and for a moment he thought he was going to get another heartfelt lecture but then he smiled at him and said: “Try to get some proper sleep, I don’t think the observatory floor is very good for your back either”. He patted him on the shoulder and left.

 _Sleep, huh?_ Lance thought. As if that were even possible. After showering he decided to at least try to relax in bed. He was able to get some shut-eye only once that night, and he dreamt of Keith. But not what happened in the castle. He saw him on the ship, making the crazy choice of sacrificing himself to save everyone else. Seeing him alive still, was somehow worse than dreaming of him laying on the floor unconscious. Maybe it was the fact that he knew the way the dream would end. He knew that he was watching the last moments of a man’s life, except it wasn’t just any man, it was _Keith_.

Lance stood in the cockpit with him, he was in a galra fighter, but the inside looked like the one of a tie fighter from Star Wars. That was Lance’s brain trying to fill in the gaps of knowledge required to paint this scene accurately. Then he turned to look at Keith, sitting in the pilot chair, fierce as he always was during a battle. He was wearing his Blade of Marmora suit, but his face mask was deactivated, so Lance could see all the different emotions spread across his features when he got close. It was hard to take his eyes off him, he looked so beautiful but mostly he seemed so alive.

Lance wanted to feel with his hand Keith’s warm flesh, hot and sweaty from the amount of strength he gathered to give his best in each mission. But the moment his fingers should have come to contact with a soft cheek they went straight through him instead and left Lance staring down, gripping his palm in disbelief. He was like a ghost. The ship took a critical hit from one of the blasters being fired at Keith, which caused everything to shake startling lance and shifting his attention from within the cockpit to the war that was going on outside. He knew exactly what he was looking at. The battlecruiser where Haggar was preparing to blow up Naxzela surrounded by that damn shield. He heard chatter over the radio too, which he hadn’t noticed before. Matt’s face appeared over the control screen.

“we’ll never penetrate those shields”, he looked exhausted, this had been a hard fight for all of them. Lance knew what part was coming next, he felt hot tears stinging in his eyes, his heartbeat started speeding up dangerously fast and he sunk to the ground on his knees, now face to face with the other. After a moment of despair, Keith’s expression was filled with resignation and determination at the same time - “Not with our weapons” - He launched himself forward on the controls, gaining speed as he got closer to the shield while Matt yelled over the coms until Keith turned the sound off.

Lance was screaming, begging Keith to turn around, asking him not to do this, to think about all the consequences. He told him they would all be fine, that Lotor was on his way to save the day. He knew it was pointless, but he couldn’t just watch, he hoped and prayed that he would suddenly hear him yell. He could barely see through his tears by the time impact was imminent and Keith had his eyes shut.

Lance raised his head, and the bright light of the explosion filled the cockpit, Lotor had finally joined the battle. The heat reached the ship within seconds, alarming Keith of what had happened. With his quick reflexes, he immediately pulled away, but Lance knew it was already too late. One of the wings had caught fire, causing the fighter to malfunction. Sparks of electricity were exploding all around until a massive jolt encased the entire cockpit, sending a powerful shock down Keith’s spine, knocking him unconscious.

Lance wiped his cheeks frantically, trying to get one last look at Keith when a terrifying thought struck him. This is exactly how he died: _alone._ Voltron and the rest of the team were far away, and even Matt didn’t get a chance at saying goodbye. His entire life Keith had been lonely for what Lance had gathered. He didn’t deserve to die like this. How could someone so loved end up dying alone? He should have been able to grow old, find love, start a family, find his mom, and see the end of this war they weren’t even supposed to be a part of. Did he know how loved he was? Does this even count as a heroic death? If it did, would it even make a real difference?

Once again Lance tried to touch Keith, this time reaching out to his hand, but before he even got close, he woke up in his bed covered in sweat and out of breath. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped the covers around himself when he realised, he was trembling. He decided he wouldn’t even _try_ to sleep for the rest of that dreadful night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try posting the next chapter as soon as possible but I'm still working on it. Feel free to leave a comment and any suggestions!


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